Big Body Poem

by Ayla Clark

Maybe I’m not meant to be small

Maybe I’m meant to take up space on buses and planes

To pop out of jeans with the zipper all blown. 

To enjoy all the food and not sit cross legged.

Maybe I’m not meant for my body to shrink

For my skin to fall off and my ribs to show

For my fingers to tighten and my stomach to flatten

just to fit in with those I don’t know. 

Maybe I’m meant to sit belly exposed

Swimsuits tight and not a collar bone in sight

Wearing tiny tops that highlight my rolls.

All my life my body was worth

more than my health or hunger

My bouncing body left me feeling

like drowning, while holding myself under.

I felt ugly, worthless, ignored, yet critiqued

With every summer starting a new regime

and yet I stand here before you finally questioning 

what my body is truly supposed to mean.

Is my purpose to be smaller, or quieter or less proud of who I am

Or am I meant to be brighter and shine like I know I can.

Is my purpose to diet, or deprive, or burn out by 25

Or can I show my beauty with the body that I have.

I don’t think I was meant to be smaller

because I probably would be by now.

The yo-yo dieting, influencer stalking, and constant guilt

is not the life we should allow.

Especially as women, we can be more impactful than we ever thought possible.

We can move mountains, dance in fountains, and be the star of every show

“To be smaller is better” our society promotes

and yet when I think of being smaller I can’t help but want to grow.

Maybe out of spite or acceptance or trust

anytime I hear a man tell me to shrink

I know it’s time to combust.

To spread out my body and energy wide

To take up every space so my body can’t hide

To shine like the super novas bright in the sky

To stand up and shout no longer be shy

When I’m told to be quiet or small or weak

I am forced to prove I’m better than anyone will ever think

My body is not meant to be small

Because I’m bigger than the minds of them all.